Raw and Crushed

So Something has just happened leaving me feeling rubbed raw and crushed. I'd rather not give specific details, but it involved the barn.
I just wanted to write something about this experience to just try and express the state I am in and writing always helps me sort things out. Swamiji says when you are feeling an intense emotion write about it, and so I am. Emotions: Anger, Anguish, Sadness.
Ever since going back to the barn after the accident things have been tough, getting back into that old routine, getting acquainted with everyone again horse and human and my settling in has come to a messy climax.
Let's just put it out there I hate confrontation especially on the negative aspect. So let me rephrase that I hate negative confrontation (I love friendly debates!) So this started out as rough, but after talking to my mom before hand I really tried to view it as a growing experience. As she said I want to be a film director I'm going to have to confront people. A lot. So went through my volunteering and met with the people I had to meet with, unfortunately I was not able to keep that totally optimistic atmosphere because as soon as it came time for me to talk (as usual in these situations) I started crying. I couldn't help it maybe if I had better mind control I could have stopped myself, but I don't so. Good news though I was able to keep constant eye contact, so I guess that's bonus. OK I am going to stop here. I'm sorry if this was complete and utter rubbish to you readers but I felt like it was important. This just happened so I'll write again tomorrow and soon.