I don't know

I don't know what happened last night but I totally fell apart. Band was let out early and I couldn't get a ride home and when I got home finally (after finding a ride) and just lost it i tried for about two hours straight and was just really upset. It was a mixture of a lot of things partly maybe since I hadn't really eaten that day, I don't know what was up I just cried and cried though. Then it was time to go to the temple and I did and sat for arathi just taking these big deep breaths and I calmed down and just gazed at Anandaswara. I came home after my time there was done and sat with Maya for a while and then went to bed at a crazily early time for me (9:30!). Oh I forgot to mention one thing that happened that is really off topic, but cool. When I get frustrated as I have said before I go outside to relax, I did this at one point and jumped on my trampoline and for the first time in five years landed a full front flip. One day I just decided I couldn't do them anymore and stopped, but I wanted to see if I could still do them and I can!
Ok so then this morning I woke up feeling great so I guess I just needed to get whatever "it" was out of my system. I am taking a bike ride now, please check in later for more!

What do I do?

Hey Readers!

Usually when I have a problem, or I am frustrated about something I call my best friend Paz in Seattle and talk it over with her. Since she is very spiritual it's not like talking to just any other high school student, and usually by the time we finish our conversations I have an answer or at least have a better grip of the situation. It's like having a personal therapist or something, not that I've ever had one, but what I imagine it would be like. Anyway lately Paz has been totally unavailable faced with her own start of high school and all that work. The few times I have talked to her it really didn't help much, I mean it was nice to talk and get it out but it didn't make my problems disappear or at least seem a easier. The past three days of school have been so crazy, and frustrating. To the point were I am wanting to really do meditation, which I know will help but when I attempt to wake up at 4:45 to do it, I really can't get out of bed. I have tried to do a lot of unclutching yesterday and today which did help a bit, but I have lost practice with it and more then once there were times when I just felt so overwhelmed with a gazillion different emotions, and thoughts. So I haven't thought of a solution yet, somehow drag myself out of bed to do meditation? Re figure out the art of unclutching? I don't know. Maybe this entry seems totally depressing, and not inspiring (I am sure of that one) but I felt a need not to write just my happy experiences (yea I did this!!! Yea I did yoga today!!!) This blog is about my experiences, and trying to get through these first few weeks of sophomore year keeping all my different lives straight is an experience. Maybe it's not going so well at the moment, but hey! It's part of the journey. Check in for more of this teen's sophomore year stories soon!

Photo Credit: my dad took it, I just like this picture Maya so intently watching me wash the dishes and me slaving along (except not exactly cause I kinda like washing dishes)

Veg. V.S. Non-veg

This has to be a quick entry because I don't want to spend tomorrow yawning my way through biology, Spanish, and history again (like today) but I just wanted to talk about something that happened at school today. Last year I started a vegetarian club, remember? I think I told all you guys about it. Well today it officially started again. I think we are going to have a definitive number of people this year, which is awesome, cause it's more then last year. Our first "pre-" meeting went well we just talked about goals and plans for this and poster distribution kinda boring stuff although there was an interesting period were I mentioned we should bring a goat to lunch one day and explain to advocate vegetarianism so that bought up some interesting conversations as you can well imagine.
This whole concept of being vegetarian though, I want to talk about it for a few minutes. I became vegetarian about four years ago for a number of reasons 1. it was the "cool" thing in 6th grade. 2. I had a bunch of pet chickens.... and you get the point there {they all had names to, Fluffy, Coconut, Spice, Nutmeg, Pepper, Parrot, Cheerio, Dew Drop, Kali and Roostery Guy and and my favourite Pipsqueak} 3. I went to India and everyone there was vegetarian and I saw more dead goats then I ever want to see again, most of them ripped open and bloody and 4. I started doing meditation and for a true meditators/yogini's body you're not supposed to eat meat so I stopped.
There are so many good reasons to be vegetarian though, number one it saves lives, number 2, it helps the earth and number 3 it's good for you (if someone dares to comment on this entry "so where do you get your protein" it's gonna be ouch. I am one of the healthier people I know.
So to make a long story short cause I'm tired and don't even know what I am writing at this point go vegetarians and consider the practice if your not.

Photo Credits: Me!!! Delicious VEGITARIAN food I attempted to make (let's just say I need to work on cooking rice) but the enchiladas were pretty good (although they where baked... so I guess that makes sense. Ok going to bed now, good night!

Leadership

Just got back from the first away football game. My eyes are heavy with sleep, but I need to write this entry before I forget and I have a free fifteen minutes in which to do it (which considering my current way of life is a miracle)
So Leadership, don't know if that's supposed to be capitalized, really I don't think so, but I want to so there. Today after my band preformed our half-time show (part of it really) we went to sit on the track and watch as the home band preforms its show. As I was sitting there watching I remembered my first away game last year, how I was the little girl everyone would take care of. Last year I the "youngest" (I really was a year older then a lot of people, but as the only flute freshman I was like the youngest) all the other girls in my section all older then me (except not really cause I'm old for my grade) would help me tape my gloves down, and put my gauntlets on. They would fix my hat pushing extra hair under. They would educate me exactly where to go, how to step, etc. etc. etc. And really it was pretty nice, I am the older sister s it was fun getting to be the "baby"
This year though it's so different. Now with so many freshman (and other!) flutes I am having to take a much more responsible role, and a lot of the freshman where turning to me for help and advice as we prepared for the game. the 1/2 hour when I first reached the band room was utter craziness, no one could get their hair up properly so I was running around braiding, knotting, pushing in bobypins... then gauntlets ... ah gauntlets they really should outlaw those the wonderful trapezoidal pieces of cloth with silver button you Velcro around your wrist and lower forearm. Their hard to put on, and I figured it out and by the time it was time to go out on the field I had taped down more gloves and Velcro more gauntlets then I want to remember! But I'm not complaining. While I was doing all of this straightening hats "Emily are your gloves on tight enough?" "Lydia your gauntlet is upside down, here I'll fix it" "Ah loose foot joint, here is some electrical tape!" I had this real sense of purpose like I wasn't the little girl everyone had to help. I was The sophomore that people could turn to for help. So moral of my long (and hopefully interesting) monologue. I was gained this sense of leadership even more then ever before the past year. I have always been somewhat of a leader, I hate people telling me to "go do that" when I want to do this, but I feel like the leadership has also gotten more responsible, if that makes any sense.
It's not just in band either, among friends, and especially at the barn I feel I am acquiring a more responsible leadership. I can truly say taking that responsibility and leadership really helps one grow, I feel more confident about what I can do because of it. So that's about it, I am going to the temple for a bit soon, all night health and wellness program, or something like that. More later, comment and check in soon!

Picture Credits: Mom took it, it's me flying to responsibility/me jumping on my trampoline in the rain.

A Visiting Inspiration

Yesterday my family was at Miller's Nursery (my parents so they could look at the plants my sister and I to see the pygmy goats) we were feeding these two adorable goats some grain when we get a call from the New York City Coordinator Nithya saying he, his wife, and youngest daughter, spontaneously decided to make the 10 hour drive and come here, and where are we? Well we told them and they drove out to meet us. We hung out the whole day. We went for coffee, and went swimming and then attended all the temple rituals in the evening. For me the only Swamiji devotee around my age is Paz, in Seattle, which is awesome, I mean we are best friends and all, but what was really cool about these people is that the daughter Anissa is really into Swamiji too! it was great to be able to relate and talk to someone who is a devotee and a girl living in the U.S, going to public school, trying to explain to fellow classmates what a mala is, and all. it was very inspiring, to be around her I mean. She watches Swami's morning message every night, and does guru pooja everyday and her goal is to go to IA. It makes me want to be even more spiritual! more life updates later for now. If you want to read her spiritual blog (and get inspired too!) just go to http://theblissfullifeofharshini.blogspot.com/ and you will find it. Here is a picture of the pygmy goats at the nursery (they are just two cute not to post.

Anniversery!!!

Can you believe it?!!! I have been writing this blog for one year and one day now! (I meant to do this entry yesterday, but it was crazy busy, so never got around to it, anyway!)

To get me ready for this entry I read my very first blog entry. In some ways I would say the basis of this blog has stayed the same, but it has also changed in many ways. First and foremost My grammar and spelling is SOOOOO much better then it was last year. At least I think so, you may disagree if you want (I love spell check!) Second, even though I have been writing a lot less, and so I don't know if it is apparent I have started going into a more material world, more then the "spiritual" one I was in a year ago. At least that's my opinion. Now I am not saying this is a totally bad thing, but as I reflect on this I really don't want to become a total "material" person, and so this year I set a new goal for myself.

Goal for year two: I will do at least one "spiritual" this everyday. I put that in quotation marks because I don't want to be spiritual within the guidelines of one person's tradition or whatnot. I want it to more open. Like "being spiritual is meditating for 10 hours everyday, done." Not like that! I was able to write for a whole year, and yes their were gaps, but I wrote at the least an entry a month (and I know I did way more then that. So I can up my standards. and just between you and me readers, I started another blog about Maya (my cat if you don't remember) baking, and braiding, and I wrote two entries, but honestly there's just no spark for me. Although the "spark" sometimes gets dull It has always been there for me the past year and never once did I think about shutting this blog down. (As I have with the other one)

Coming to a close because I just got back from the band's second football game of the season and am tired, I want to thank you all so much for staying with me the past year readers, sticking by me and all that. And Swamiji I can't finish the year off without thanking you I mean you were the one that got me to start this thing! I feel it has grounded me in a way last year. Something that was there constantly that I could always go back to if I needed it, so again thank you.

Picture credits (I took it through a car window): The sun sets over the year...