Happiness, Fear, and Hope AKA Falling into Place

Happiness, Fear, and Hope. From talking to people I feel like deep down these three emotions make up the day to day spectrum of the mental consciousness that the average young adult lives in. Of course that could be totally wrong and it's just me, but then... this blog is just about me, so there we have it.

As everything that is the physical makeup of my life grows more and more complicated I seem to record those happens less and and less, contrary to what the system probably should be, but I seem to make a statement of this ilk every time I write, so you are probably just waiting for the content. Life's been... complicated. As you may know, I was about to go to college, I had my chickens in a row, so to speak, things were under control, but control is, well its boring I guess. To my inner self, and so things needed a little mixing. Covering all basis I had scheduled an interview at Ohio University, the Harvard of The Hocking, the 7th best journalism school in the United States swearing I would never attend it. I couldn't be forced to go to a school in Ohio, but to quote chocolat, my second favorite film of all time "but still the clever wind was not satisfied" I don't know if it was the north wind, but something shifted. Sitting in the conference room of the Scripps School of Journalism across from the prestigious representative, and quickly forgot my self promises as I let myself be totally sold on the school. Just over a week later and I am within the depths of the very complex process of switching schools, over the holidays when both are closed. I was accepted into the second school on the day of my interview, for the first time in over a year of being within the college process I felt truly wanted to a university, and when these schools are creating a billion dollar industry, many hand picking students, able to accept or decline most any offer that is a dear feeling. Thus personal decisions made the technicalities, and let me tell you young ones, be very careful of those binding contracts, they be poison. Sparing, your sweet ears the details I shall suffice to say there have been multiple emotional breakdowns, many tears, much screaming at an innocent laptop not giving me the answers I needed, and over all exasperation. It's been a week.
   Additionally I am trying to put together the rest of my life, the way one who has lived at home over a year, well technically 19. typically does, the packing the choosing, the homes for various pets, trying to find a home for my dear equine companion Mara (seriously though, anyone want a horse?). And while I feel partly as if the walls of normality are physically hurtling down in pieces around me, I am... ok. I am a very confident that switching schools was fully the right decision, and that everything is... falling into place perfectly. Although I say that in a literal sense. Despite wanting to attend college  when people would ask are you ready? I could only answer "about 60%" my mum especially could not comprehend this saying "you realize you are going in a week right?" "yeah. 60%" and yet now I am 100% I am actually ready.

Through this ramshackle process the moment that stays in the forefront of my mind, that keeps me sane, is a conversation with my dear friend Kismet
"I can't believe how calm you are being through all of this"
"Uh... everything is insane! I'm freaking out all the time!"
"yeah, its a really ridiculous situation and you are handling it so well"

So,  maybe in my eyes It's crazy, but thankfully someone thinks I'm sane. Cheers to you all, and a happy new year!

An Explaination

Photo by Regina Brecha 

While I shan't go into the particulars that make up the complications of my college going/application process I shall suffice to say, its complicated. But long story short, I am reapplying to some schools and going through the whole app processes again. Once again I had to face the question "please provide an explanation for you expulsion from school, convicted felony, or gap year" yes. This is the category into which gap years are placed for the common application. While last round of apps I wrote a brief few sentences on what I had done, and what I was planning on doing this year I decided to use the opportunity to gets some thoughts out, decided to share the "explanation" I gave. I have a couple more essays I would love to share as well if the interest is there, so tell me what you think!

In my opinion the majority of “education” is not what goes on inside of a classroom, but rather all the little (or big!) things that go on outside of it. I love to learn, I love to read and write, and appreciate school and teachers more then most people, my father happens to be one, but I was also raised to grab an opportunity when I can, to make the most out of every situation, and to trust my instincts. 

Because of this, in my sophomore year of high school when I was informed I would be able to graduate in three years, I explored all my options. I looked at International Baccalaureate schools, dual enrollment, going straight for college, and finally settled on that which is closest to my heart: travel. My mother being the wonderful research fiend that she is, helped me find an international organization called WWOOF (the worldwide organic opportunities for farming), and specifically the Ireland branch. I would work on a horse farm, and finish up the trip with some solo travel around Europe. 

The experience had its ups and downs, things didn’t work out as planned, and certain things fell into place like clock work. All in and all it was more valuable a life lesson than I could have imagined. Coming home for the final six months I fell into a fairly “domestic” life. I got a job, lived at home with my parents, and then went on to start completing a wish list. I wanted to do all those things I had deemed as impossible, scary, or too difficult. 

So it began: I took dance lessons, I drove solo across country, I bought and learned to play a mandolin, I taught a summer camp at the place my parents had met, I began working with horses for the first time after a serious accident two years earlier. I learned to jump and competed in it, bought a horse of my own, and finished out the year by managing an entire horse barn. In the blink of a year I had completed every single dream, or wish. I had completed my bucket list, and that is no small task. I am setting out to begin life with a clean slate, no expectations, no regrets, and in my opinion a perfectly completed and well rounded eduction. In other words, the perfect gap year.