Non-acceptence

I don't think I mentioned it before, but I applied to this two year program which is a school "system" called United World Collages. I was sort of split about my thoughts of going, on the one hand it seemed like a really cool opportunity, on the other hand it would not support almost any of my values, so you can see my confusion. Last night I got the email saying although they enjoyed reading my application I was not one of the candidates picked. At first I felt super disappointed. Out of so many things in my life I have applied to this is the first one I have not been accepted to. I am sure there will be more in my life, but this first hurt. Then I realized the irony of the situation just that afternoon my mother, guidance counsellor and I had had a meeting to discuss next year in case I don't get accepted.
In fact I almost liked the option we came up with more. It turns out with a bit of tweaking to my schedule I will have enough classes and credits in to graduate next year! I won't be able to graduate with honors, but graduating a year early is still super exciting. Then I could do any number of things my senior year, although the one up most on my mind is I would like to spend a year in Ireland. I have always wanted to go there, an living with a family and getting to see the country from their point of view would be amazing. Especially if I could somehow manage to factor horses into the bargain. So that would be fun! (If any of you readers knows anyone who lives in Ireland please tell me, I would love a contact!)

Click and Drag

over the past year I have editing and creating the event videos for the temple. Many times though I find my self complaining to others or just being irritated myself due to technical things. The inadequate editing software and camera (flip) the computer location (center of the temple) and so fourth that I have convinced myself I don't like editing. In my video production class my partner loves editing and she ends up always doing it and I sit behind her and give ideas. But this weekend I filmed a movie in Yellow Springs and now am doing all of the editing. the thing is as I click and drag the clips hither and thither I am finding I really love this work. Using final cut express and a mac I feel like I am creating this wonderful work of art. I hope to be done with it by the end of the week, and will be posting it on YouTube. It is a music video featuring some of my friends riding their horses.

Still Setteling

Ever since I got the doctor's OK to go back I have been going to the barn as much as I can (although I have to admit, I would still like to be going more!) Mostly to ride April and also help out with the therapy lessons. Yesterday I got to do both!
I realized as I was tacking up April that I am getting a lot more used to being around horses again. Even though April was in heat and a bit fussy (Well really fussy) I didn't have a single bit of fear flash through me as before. That doesn't mean to say I wasn't super cautious tying her head up so she would be able to bite, and steering totally clear of any hooves, but still. She was a rediculously muddy mess and I had to use a shedding blade to get it all off, but as she was in heat she was super sensitive and kept wiggling about and stomping her feet. I sang a little song which didn't really seem to help, but who know's maybe it did and finally we were out in the ring.
Ironically she seemed totally happy under saddle. Not like last week when she flat out refused to trot, although that could have been me. We worked on some walk trot transitions which were absolutly beautiful, and went over some ground poles, which was a little harder, but still good. So thing and setteling down and coming together!
Tonight is the Hindu Holiday of Maha Shivarathri which the temple is celebrating tonight. I may have an update, so check back in soon!

Nosie Nosie

I wanted to give you all a quick update on my nose. It is improving by leaps and bounds sometimes and then other times it feels like nothing is happening with it. I have been rubbing coconut oil onto it, which is supposed to soften up the scar tissue and heal it. Despite the disgusting smell it has, in my personal opinion, the stuff has major healing powers. So the skin around my nostril is starting to feel my normal (it was really rough and hard) Nosie still hasn't developed a normal color yet, it's a light pink on that side especially after it is touched, and the c shaped scar where a piece was stitched back on is still obvious to my eyes, although my friends say it's barely noticeable. Also it doesn't ache in the cold as much anymore which is really nice. So it's healing but in my opinion not totally healed. Check back in soon, I think I will have a great story Monday if not before!

Riding, Meditation, and School

I've got a lot to cram in a few paragraphs, so let's just start! Yesterday I did Nithya Dhyaan meditation for the first in ages. Saturday and Sunday I was just irritated all day, I don't know why, but Sunday night laying in bed I decided I just had to do meditation again. So I dragged myself out of bed a full half an hour earlier and did it. Spent the early morning stumbbling around feeling sleep deprived, but then at the same time my day seemed to go a lot smoother. Not like everything got cancled, in fact my schedual was crazier then usual. School unfortunatly was not changed by my change in schedual it seems to drag on forever with it's piles of "busy work" and notes, and group projects with people you don't know, and really don't want to know. After school I did a few hours of filming for the video I am making for D-town, which was bother freezing and nice.
After all that (without getting to go home for more then five minutes I went to the barn. Now some people might see the barn as torture to go to after all that, I mean it's not heated, it's dusty, and everything you do is work, but not me. I got April and after an interesting lunging session, mounted up for the first time since the accident. The funny thing is that night that I came I came to ride April but she was being ridden by someone else. Although I have tried not to think about, I will admit it flashed through my brain more then once, what would have happened if she wasn't being ridden, would I have gone to the back barn? Would
I have tried to pet Percy?
In any case using the comfortable dressage saddle I mounted up on the tall red horse and rode for about 45 minutes. Just walking and trotting. I don't know what it is, but is just something so special about being on top of a horse, maybe it's how tall you are, or that close connection you can acheive with another creature. What ever it is it is great. Unless you are not in connection with the horse which was kind of my problem last night. I just wanted to write about that though. More later!

Coming Back

Went for my appointment at National Children's Hospital Thursday with the surgeon and guess what he said? The magic words! My nose is healed! It was exactly what I was hoping him to say. Of course that afternoon as soon as I could I dressed in my six layers of jackets and sweatshirts etc. and went to the barn. I wasn't nervous at that point all I could think about about was getting to see the horses, and Star and Nathan again. Well we got there, mum signed a bunch of new release form, and then before actually going in chatted with Star, Nathan, and Jessenia for a while in the office. A couple serious things, but nothing majorly just news, ideas for the future, new website, etc. Then Jessenia suggested I go saddle up our main lesson horse Raven for a therapy lesson. I happily went off collected the tack and then went to the back corner of the barn where Raven lives. She loves people, but isn't very fond of other horses. I hung up the tack, and then stood by the stall door watching her, looking for anything to be careful about. I have only done this with one other horse before and she was a total rescue, usually I just greet the horse and walk in.
Standing there I had this conflict on the one hand I wanted to just go up put on her halter and everything like old time, but there was something holding me back. What if there was suddenly something about me horses don't like and she would hurt me to? I stood by the stall sliding door inching up to her.
First totally out of reach, then I reached out my hand she sniffed it and I inched closer. All seemed well, I was within reach of her head now, she leaned her head toward me a bit and I immediately jumped back, then felt totally embarrassed with myself. I walked around and then straight up to the stall just in arm's reach. I had a pocketful of mints and so I unwrapped one and held it out, Raven happily took the treat her ears now totally forward looking for me as she ate I opened the door and slid in the stall. Although now cautious once inside I felt better, its like getting past the wall I slipped on her halter and led her out, once there I tied her up and started grooming doing it more thoroughly then usual just to get used to the feeling again, of being around a horse, but there was nothing to get used to I realized while crouching to brush her legs, it just came back to me.
I helped lead her in the lesson where a little boy named James, who is pretty autistic rode her, and seeing the joy of the little kid as he kept yelling "fast!" and then we would trot. This group of five Jessenia, the boy, his mother, Raven and I. All as a unit Raven helping keep the boy safe as much as any of us, even stopping and not moving when she felt the girth was loose, and not moving till we got the message and tightened it. So step one, done. I have made peace with Raven, and feel safe again. I am not sure how it will go with some other horses, it's not like I decide to be scared, I just was, I guess that natural survival instinct.
The thing about the barn, well two things I realized after this whole thing. One a lot of people seem to think the only reason I go is to get volunteer hours or what not. No! I go because there is this connection, draw to these big powerful, yet so vulnerable creatures I can't explain. Which leads me into my second point, after this who knows if I will ever spontaneously loose the ability to be around horses again, probably not (they are therapy animals) but you never know! The barn is the thing in my life I feel the most connected to, blissful, and so indefinitely that's where I want to be. As much as I can. I may get to go there tomorrow, but for now, I take my leave to eat some dinner and then sleep!

Photo Credits: A Barn Volunteer with Raven. and if your wondering, yes I did the braid in her mane. See what a darling she is?

Perfect in Everything

After the craziness of last week things are finally starting to slow down. My video for D-town is almost done, well we still have one more week to work on it but all the major filming is done and all we have left is editing, which never gets stressful till 24 hours before the video is due and you go "Where's that clip! Ahhhh I have to recapture the whole thing! Oh no we forgot a voice over" and all that fun video stuff (you are now considering giving up on this entry because you have no idea what I am talking about, but read on.)
In any case all is well, I don't know if it is because I have physically less work, or because I was able to write/ talk my brains out, but I am good. I had my challenge for band. A minor disaster I won't discuss it much, but it was the usual, I knew the song, got nervous when actually recording and totally lost breath support making it sound gross and choppy. 'People' i.e. my mother keep telling me I don't need to be perfect in everything. I mean no one likes the girl who is totally perfect, but still it's frustrating when you aren't good at something, that moment you realize someone is really better, it's worse when that person is a freshman, but ahhhhh I said I wasn't going to talk about it.
In some Nosie News the outside of my nose looks almost normal. I have actually had two people today call it cute! (I am probably the only person who gets daily nose comments) Unfortunately the inside is not healing. It continues to be red, and my nose is getting more and more sore by the day, I am going to the doctors tomorrow morning and so I'll report back what he says. I miss the horses so much, there something so calming and I can't even describe it, but point is I miss it and can't go back until my nose heals.
Lastly we are still collecting sap! Two jars so far (yeah in the last 4 days, that's maple syrup for you!) but being in Ohio it spontaneously froze last night and the buckets are frozen solid, each has a little mini maple icicle from the spout. Then Today it snowed, gotta love Ohio!
Photo Credits: Today after school. Me!

P.S. spellchecking this document I realized how many big words I use.

Maple Syrup Time

The main thing that gets me through january and february is Maple Syrup time. This is when we tap all of our sugar maple trees, let the sap flow into buckets, collect it and boil it down into thick, delicious maple syrup. Tree sap is mostly water, so just like the making of salt you have to let all that water evaporate and what's left is the sugar. We started tapping trees when I was a lot younger. We were at my elementry school's annual silent auction and there a few buckets for sale. Remembering in the Little House on the Praire books how they would tap trees I begged my dad to buy them, he did and the fun started. I think the best part isn't the actual syrup itself, but the whole process from watching the first drops ooze out, to walking in the house after a long day at school and being wrapped in a hug of sweet smelling mist, as it gets the whole house steamed up, but in a good way. This year was the first we have done it at our house in Delaware, and it was wonderful. Our older maple wasn't that great, but the younger of our two was practically poring sap. As you can see there I have some pictures.

So Much Stress

Hello readers! How have you been? I've been well stressed. I think this is the first time in my life I have been this stressed. I'm sure before I felt this way, but I either didn't identify it, or didn't realize it and passed it off as something or maybe in the more blissful state I was in I wasn't stressed, but right now I am stressed. For one thing I have four large projects underway that I am having to think and act about. two for journalism, one for D-town (the largest) and a big group project for Spanish, that I just don't know how to pull off, and I have the most responsibility for. On top of that the man who really inspired me to write, refined my technique, and just got me writing more then a lot of people my age passed away this week due to a massive heart attack. I know that doesn't directly affect my work load, but now I am working with the decision to go to the memorial (an hour and 1/2 away), and putting a bit of a weight on my heart. My mother has a bit of an eye problem, which again doesn't directly affect me, but is another thing I am thinking about.
On top of all of this a girl in band challenged me for my seat in band. This might not be so terrible, but the part the band director picked for us to play for the challenge is the one part in all three of our three concert band songs that I have the most trouble with. A series of slurred sixteenth notes. I despise slurred sixteenth notes with a passion. I really don't want to be third from last chair though so between the rest of my normal routine and projects I will have to put that practice in. I know logically if I am doing meditation I will probably be less stressed, but where? and what? I suppose I should work on that though, it would be better then my brains exploding. Also the date of my return to the barn grows nearer. I think I have lost a lot of the fear I had, although I am still nervous, but it's to the point now where I just want that freedom of a place where I don't have to worry about school and projects. I miss working with April, and I want to get going with my latest idea for Chevy, but all in good time I suppose.
Less thought more action though right? That's what Swamiji says. In any case gotta get going on homework. Bye!

Photo Credit: I took this on a bus ride in Washington D.C. 2010. The weird light is interesting..