For Myself

It is late this Sunday night. I sit in front of my Dad's wonderful iMac (which I only get for one more day before he takes it back to work) in my PJ's contemplating what to write. it has been a long weekend, On Friday I had school, and then I came home and spent the whole afternoon and evening at the temple. Saturday we had e-Kalpataru which then I stayed after the whole day. Sunday, today is a really special holiday in the Indian culture. Karthikay Deepum. (sorry about my spelling) It is the day Lord Shiva descended to Earth in a shaft of light, and also Devi's enlightenment day, so it was a busy day at the temple. On top of that I had a marching band event, the annual Holiday parade, and a family friend came for the day who I haven't seen for years. So yeah busy. Something happened though this weekend that I am going to try and explain. In the past year I go in and out of intensity with the temple, sometimes and want to be there, sometimes I just need to get away!! But in the past nine month I haven't had as much want to be at the temple, I knew for my body, being, and soul I should go and so I did, but I haven't really enjoyed it, a lot.
This weekend though a huge shift happened. It probably has something to do with what I wrote about yesterday. I don't know but I just have this need to be at the temple as much as possible all of a sudden, not necessarily just the temple, but my whole spiritual life. From morning meditation, to the clothes I wear, to inspiring people I am getting a huge shift. I just want it, to put every aspect of my life towred myself. I know when i put it that way it makes me sound selfish, but that is not exactly what I mean. See many times people do things for other people. You go to school because your parents make you or because it is the law. You work because if you don't work you won't have money. You eat and sleep not because you just say "oh that sounds fun" because it is habit, and because you know you need it. But I have to decided to do everything clearly because I WANT to do it. Sure those are all reasons why I am doing but the real reason is because I want to do it. I eat because I want to eat, I sleep because that is what I want to do more then anything at that time. That is what I mean by doing everything for myself, and by doing this, and if you choose to do this, I, you, we, will become like this alligator. Blissful, and happy. I purpose for everything, even if it just sleeping!!!
Check back in soon!