Pooja phobia

It's almost like a phobia. Over the past two years my temple volunteering has started to center more and more on video and photographs and as I started just being on the sidelines of events capturing their precious moments, I started doing less and less temple activities. Then I started not wanting to do events. I held onto my cameras like a life float not wanting to do any activities. It's been like this for a while but I didn't realize till today. We had a bunch of people come and had two homas and a small abishekum. as usual I recorded the events, but when ever someone suggested I do anything like carry a kalaasha, hold a flower for the Pooja, and so fourth I would skurm my way out of it. Looking at myself it's like I don't want the gods to notice me. Which is ridiculous I realize, but that's it.