First day of the last

So it's the first day of my senior year of high school (It's everyone else's second day) and I'm sitting here crying. Whoever said high school is the happiest time of your life either never went to high school, or they had a really horrible adulthood. Anyway I seriously don't know how I'm going to cope, I probably shouldn't be saying that as the name of this blog references a yogini, but when Swamiji said to write this blog 3 years ago (almost exactly!) he said to write my experiences, and so that I am doing! I really shouldn't complain, I should just look to the future, I'm graduating a whole year in advance! But when I sat down in my AP Government class this morning, all I was doing was calling my self an idiot, and that was just first period. My schedule isn't pure horror, there are a few little happies in there, my independent study video production class along with my video partner Elizabeth, and a photography class I am really looking forward to. A lot of the rest is just making me cringe in fear today (Chemistry, Pre- Calculus, AP Language and Composition,  and college level Spanish). Then to top it off band practice after school. Now band is something even I don't understand, I'm not really a fan of exercise, and I'm a horrible floutest since I hate to practice, and yet I keep doing marching band. It's not just the friends thing, although if I didn't have those then I would for sure quit, but there's something else holding me back, wanting to finish what I set out to do three, sorta four years ago. I have yet to see this band rise to complete greatness, get a one at states, and if this is the year, I want to be there when it happens.
      In any case my mother doesn't seem to understand, I get her perspective. I get in the car looking half dead and ready to commit murder after practice, but last year she wouldn't let me quit and this year she seems to be encouraging me! What I really need this year is just a solid force behind me, helping me push through, instead of feel as if I have this waving piece of cardboard. If I lean of it at all, then it will fall. It's just rough, who knows maybe this is my Monday, I have been away for a week with dear friends, and now have been thrown into the battle field, commonly known as high school. It's just sitting here my backpack on the floor next to my bed, first day of school homework spilling out of it I just don't know how I am going to do this. More updates on this life of mine soon,