Ok peeps,
Now that I am getting more comfortable writing to you I want to share an interesting insight I had. Lately I have been pondering over a question. See in band I am usually very happy. I kept wondering why do I need to go to the temple, do meditiation ect. If MARCHING BAND makes me happy?
Today I realized though that when I am band I am happy because people are really nice to me there, and they give me a lot of attention. "oh she is such a great frehman... she is so good for her first year. The works." All these complements make me hapy of course, I mean attention is energy. The problem is in that situation I am relying on someone, something, somebody else to make me happy! If for one day someone people are not nice to me, I will get instantly depressed. On the contrary when I am at the temple doing Arathi. (a fire ritual I take a big part in, we do it every night of the week) I am happy just for the sake of being there! No one is complementing me, I mean they do, but there are plenty of times that I can be practically ignored. But sitting in front of the deities, or doing the rituals I am just in total bliss! and for no reason, just because I am blissful. So yes that was today's realization, I can do band. It is a great talent to learn (uh, don't ask me why though!)but for the sake of myself for when marching band stops and all I really need the temple and can not, should not, stop going.